Forever and Always
by BlackRoseDragon44
Summary: Kaoru is aware of his feelings for his twin, Hikaru, but he seems to have only eyes for Haruhi, the only female member of the Host Club. So what else can Kaoru do than support Hikaru on his way to find happiness? Will the younger Hitachiin give up on his older brother in order to make him happy even if it meant it would be wihout him? HikaKao. OC as a supporting character.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! This is my first Ouran Highschool Host Club fic, so I hope you can guide me and give me some tips!**

**Please enjoy.**

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**Kaoru's POV**

I love you, Hikaru.

I feel you stir in our bed, probably a nightmare disturbing your peaceful sleep. Your eyebrows are narrowed and your mouth corners formed into a painful frown. Your suffering won't let me sleep either, so I just sat up and turn on the small lamp on my side of the bed. I hug my knees, examining your facial features, wondering what you could be possibly dreaming about. I hear mumbled words, falling from your mouth, but it doesn't seem like I understand any of them really well.

"Hikaru, calm down, it's just a dream," I whisper quietly into his ear, assuring him that everything would be all right at the end. I register him sighing before turning his back to me and continuing to sleep with his usual expression. I feel the urge to touch him emerging in my body, but I restrain myself.

I can't. It's wrong.

I just lie down and cover myself in our duvet, trying to escape from my sinful thoughts, at least before the sunrise. After the shining burning sun would rise and shine through the darkness, we will be Hikaru and Kaoru again, the devil Hitachiin twins, hosting at the Ouran Host Club. But right now, I'm just Kaoru and he's just Hikaru. At night, where Hikaru isn't aware of things I know, he's just the second inhabitant of this room.

I close my eyes, a single tear rolling down my eye.

"Kaoru! Wake up! We overslept!" I heard the panicked yells from my other half. I lazily open my eyes to see him already half-dressed with a toothbrush inside his mouth. I glance at the clock and see that it was late indeed, but I didn't feel the urge to rush like Hikaru did. I threw the cover away and started to get dressed as well.

As soon as we were done, our chauffer parked the Mercedes in front of our gates and we hurriedly got in, breathing heavily, trying to calm down our beating hearts. I lean my head on Hikaru's shoulder, trying to relax my muscles. He just silently wrapped his arm around my waist, like it was the most normal thing in the world, which for us it was, actually. The position makes me comfortable, the wish that we could stay like this forever getting stronger. However, we arrived at Ouran High after a few minutes.

"Hey, Haruhi!" The first thing my brother says in the morning and today was no exception. We weren't really late, but Hikaru liked to greet the brunette every morning, so that's why we rushed so much this morning. You would call it silly, but I just go with it, because it's really important to Hikaru. I bid the chauffer goodbye unlike Hikaru and watched the black car disappear behind the trees. As I look back, Haruhi and Hikaru are already in the half of the school court, discussing something.

He didn't even notice I still stood at the gates.

I just took my bag and jogged after them, catching up with them with a smile. I greeted Haruhi as always and she repaid me with an equally sweet and charming smile. I really like Haruhi. She isn't like most girls. She's different, special even. I hear them talk about the host club activities for the day and Hikaru bragging that we had a script, which would bring the 'brotherly love' act to an entirely new level. I nodded in confirmation and we walked into our classroom full of shrieking girls, going through a magazine, probably the Host Club monthly, Kyoya-senpai like to publish to gain so cash for the club.

I and Hikaru sit down with Haruhi in between us. Hikaru doesn't see it, but this is almost like a sarcastic note from the universe how we are drifting apart. Hikaru doesn't realize to what extend his fondness of Haruhi is going, but I do. I know that he minds when Tono hugs her and calls her his precious daughter. Seriously, Hika, how possessive can you possibly be?

The bell rang, announcing the start of first period. We had literature, one of my favorite subjects, since the focus was on writing and as my pen glides through the lines of my notebook, I feel free. My feelings are printed down on the paper and I'm allowed to feel my burden become a little lighter to bear.

The day went by quickly, mostly because my mind was clouded with thoughts about my twin. Hikaru notices something is wrong, but doesn't pressure me to tell him. He wants for us to be independent and only influence each other, so he always takes a step back to leave me my room. However, he doesn't know that this is exactly why my mind is so blurry and confused.

"Kao, come on! We'll be late for the club!" Hikaru tells me, grabbing my hand and leading me out of the classroom with Haruhi nowhere in sight. Where is she? I could feel Hikaru's grip on my hand tighten and I look up at him to see his face a little frustrated. Why?

"Hikaru, where's Haruhi?"

"Oh, she said she was going ahead to tell Tono something," He replied. So that was why. Hikaru, why are you being so dense? I can't help, but wonder, if he even acknowledges my presence anymore. He holds me, he hugs me, but where are his thoughts?

With Haruhi?

My own thoughts were disturbed by a bright lighting flashing outside with a loud thunder following lead. Oh, it was starting to rain. Suddenly I feel Hikaru fastening up, trying to reach music room with the number three as quick as possible. He drags me behind him like a doll, but I let him, because I can read the worry in his eyes. He and I know that Haruhi is afraid of thunder and with the weather like this she must be terribly frightened.

"This is why she probably went to talk to Tono. We both know Haruhi is very sensitive about this kind of stuff. She can sense when a storm is approaching," I tell Hikaru, to put his mind at ease. So he would stop jumping to conclusions about Tamaki-senpai and Haruhi being romantically involved. Hikaru let out a breath, before continuing in our path to our destinated place.

Hikaru almost kicked the door open to see Haruhi cling tightly to Tono. I can see the paralyzed look on Hika's face, but I don't say anything. We just enter and I let go of Hikaru's hand to walk over to Kyoya-senpai to ask what we're going to do with this problem.

"Well, we can of course use it as a nice addition to our hosting. I think our clients will be pleased to see Haruhi frightened. And I don't think it will hurt the business at all," Kyoya-senpai says calmly, writing down notes on a piece of paper. What was he writing about all the time anyway?

"Hikaru, our guests will arrive shortly. Let's prepare our surprise," I say, putting my right hand on his shoulder. He just nods, but he still looks to the way of Haruhi and Tamaki-senpai. His hands are baled into fists and he's bits his lower lip, which is a sign that he's highly unsatisfied with the current situation.

"Calm down, Hika," Was all I'm able to say. I feel his tense body loosen a little, but the feeling of worry is still there. Hikaru, why had you fall in love with her? With her, who's interest is mainly her studies? I frowned, pushing him down on the couch my hands on my hips, glaring at him angrily.

"What's wrong, Kaoru?"

"Focus, or we can go home. Because like this there's no point in doing anything today," I say, slapping myself for being so harsh to Hikaru. He looks away and refuses to look my in the eyes. I lean in and cup his face in my hands and force him to look at me, the only one who fully understands his feelings right now.

"You're right, Kao," He replies, wrapping his arms around my neck. I smile and give him a small kiss on the forehead. At the moment the door opened and of course at the sight of this affection gesture everyone started to shriek and Renge as always appeared on her little electronic stage with a microphone and literally documenting every move I and Hikaru made.

Needless to say Kyoya-senpai's prediction turned out to be true. Today were at least the double of the normal number of guests around Tamaki-senpai and Haruhi. Hikaru tried to shift the surprise into our act, but I always maneuvered away, since it wouldn't have the same effect as it does, if he's only half-hearted in this today. With the end of the thunderstorm the club activities were over as well.

It was time to go home.

I took my Hika's bag and wait for him at the door. I scanned the room for him, but he soon enough strides towards me with beaming eyes and a wide grin. He seems happy, I wonder what happened. Well, the thunder is over, so there's no reason for Haruhi to cling to Tamaki-senpai anymore.

"Kaoru, you mind going home alone today? I'll take Haruhi out for a bit."

I want to yell that I do mind that I don't want him to go, not with her and definitely not alone. But my lips formed into a smile and I nod that it was okay. He thanks me and I hand him his bag. He then ruffles through my hair and runs back to her. I say goodbye to the rest of the club and walk out of the room.

Alone.

I was already dialing the number for my ride to come and pick me up, but at the last minute, I stuffed my phone into my back and decided to go home by foot. It was only a fifteen minute walk from Ouran to our mansion, so it was the perfect way for me to get home. And Hikaru probably takes our car anyway, so…

As I walk a million thought are cycling in my mind. Shouldn't I be rooting for Hikaru when the only thing that matters is his happiness? Shouldn't I be doing everything in my power to hold Tamaki-senpai back and make room for Hikaru to come closer to Haruhi?

But still…

I want to rip him away from her. I want him to stop wanting to spend time with her. I want him to myself and only myself. I find it unbelievably painful to know that he will never be mine, because we're brothers, because we're identical twins.

Without noticing, I bump into someone and then a loud crashing noise is heard.

I snap out of my trance and look at what had just happened. I bumped into a girl? I looked at her to find out it was one of the students of Ouran. She still had her uniform on, so I could easily tell. But she wasn't any of our guests, so I didn't recognize her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I apologized, looking at the broken porcelain on the ground. It looked really expensive.

"It's fine! Those were old ones anyway, luckily just one broke, so no worries!" She says, dismissing it with a wave of her hand. I looked at her to see a wide smile on her face, framed with long brown hair. She looked a little like Haruhi when I thought about it properly.

"You're one of the Hitachiin brothers, right? But... Hikaru or Kaoru?" She asks, eyeing my curiously. I just tell her I'm Kaoru and she nods. She might look a little like Haruhi, but she as well as the rest of the world cannot tell me and Hikaru apart.

"Okay! I will try to remember it!"'

"What's your name? It's only fair for me to know your name as well, my lady."

"Makita Yuki is my name, please, Yuki is fine! I hate formalities!"

She's so cheerful. I wish a little of that happiness could rub on me. But no, with Hikaru in my heart that is impossible. Even if I would find someone else to love, I would always put Hikaru first, now and always.

He's my world. He's my life. He's my everything.

"Huh? Kaoru-san, why are you crying?"

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**A/N I'm sorry if my English isn't really good, it's not my native language. Please review and tell me what you think. See you next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, thank you so much for the feedback! **

**Next chappie is up, please enjoy. **

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**Kaoru's POV**

"Huh? Kaoru-san, why are you crying?" Yuki asked, looking at me with a surprised expression. I blinked at her, wondering what she was talking about. My hand travelled up my cheek to come in contact with the salty liquid, coming from my eyes.

I guess, I was really actually crying. I could feel her sad eyes on me, but I just wiped the tears away with the sleeves of my uniform. How embarrassing, the Hitachiin Kaoru was weeping in front of a complete stranger. I haven't cried in front of anyone for years, even Hikaru hasn't seen my tears in years.

"Here."

Yuki offered me a stitched white handkerchief with her initials on it. I gratefully accepted and cleaned my nose. I must have looked like a total idiot, suddenly starting to cry like this. Wasn't I stronger than that? Probably not.

"So why are you so sad?" She asked, in the most casual way possible, like it doesn't bother her that there was a high chance I would brush it off as nothing and just dodge her question. But she was different. She might be energetic like Renge and her obsession with all that anime stuff, but I can see through you wall, Makita Yuki. Your cheerfulness is from the most part from the outside, I'm not so certain what is going inside your head though.

Yuki might understand. She might have some advice. I needn't be worried about my reputation, since Yuki wasn't a guest at the Host Club, or at least I have never noticed her presence before. I felt like the biggest dork in the world, but perhaps letting some steam out, may be good for me.

"I'm in love with someone really close to me. But I know it's impossible for us to be together, since that person is in love with someone else already," I said, looking up the sky to see the white fluffy could dancing and forming into various shapes. As I looked down at the smaller girl in front of me, her expression indicated that she was nowhere near calm and collected. Actually, her eyes burnt with fury and her mouth corners went down into a very displeased frown.

"Kaoru-san, don't give up. People's feelings change and the fact that your object of affection is currently in love with someone else, doesn't mean you can't end up with that person."

She was wrong. I can't tell her that the person I love is my own twin brother. She would be disgusted with me. Yuki probably thinks it's just one of those love-triangle things you see permanently on television, but this was something different entirely. This is taboo, this should never happen, not to anyone in the world. To fall in love with your own flesh and blood and on top of that with someone who looks exactly like you is just against society rules.

"It isn't that easy, Yuki."

"It is that easy, Kaoru-san. You just want to see it as complicated. You just ha-"

"Makita-sama, please hurry up! The Anjou's are awaiting your arrival!" An old man called out, whilst running towards me and Yuki. Yuki glanced at her wrist watch and her eyes widened in shock.

"You're right! Father is going to kill me! Kaoru-san I need to go. I'll see you around," Yuki said, before dashing off with her driver to a dark blue limousine, which disappeared in the distance after a few short seconds. But what she said made me thinking.

_You just want to see it as complicated._

Is it really possible for this problem to become easy to solve? Do I deceive myself in seeing this as a world ending issue rather than me finally realizing my feelings for the one I love and desire? This kind of thinking almost always got me a headache, so I decided to go home first and then break my head over this issue.

The way was quite and in an odd way really soothing, but I couldn't help, but feel that strange feeling in my stomach. Knowing that he was somewhere with someone other than me, made me feel lonely. I just sighed in pure frustration before finally arriving home, walking up the starts into my and Hikaru's room and closing the door shut.

"Oh, Kaoru? You're finally home, I have been wondering where you were," A familiar voice said, looking at me with a sleepy expression on his face. It was Hikaru. He was lying in our bed, covered in a blanket and probably taking an afternoon nap. I sat down next to him and put my hand on his, feeling the warmth spreading inside of me.

"Didn't you say, you wanted to hang out with Haruhi?"

"Yeah, I just escorted her home, no big deal," Hikaru said, wrapping his arm around me and taking me down to lie with him. I could feel his arms around my waist tighten as he snuggled even closer to me, burying his nose into my hair. My hands were on his chest and I could clearly feel and hear his slow heartbeat. As I cuddled with him I couldn't really tell if I was eternally happy or endlessly sad, since things like this made my feelings resurface. I wish Hikaru would know what these kind and loving gestures did to me, how he made my heart beat two times faster.

I just closed my eyes and fell asleep in the arms of the man that I love.

…

As I awakened, I saw that Hikaru was still sound asleep, holding my hand. I couldn't help but smile and kiss him lightly on the cheek as a small greeting. I slowly freed my hand from his tight grip and made my way with silent steps into the bathroom. I turned on the light and looked at myself in the big mirror we owned.

I and Hikaru are identical, so why can't I see him when I look at my reflection?

I averted my eyes and stripped down my clothes. Dinner would soon be served and I really needed that shower, since there was dried sweat everywhere on my body. I turned on the water and let the cold drops roll down my body. Even the maid from 10 years ago said it clearly. She said there might be no one who could tell us apart, since we're identical twins, so I did I feel so different from Hikaru? Shouldn't I at least feel a little like him, but lately I can't see Hikaru in my reflection anymore. He's my other half, the second side of the coin and still, we aren't the same anymore.

Not since we know Haruhi.

"Kaoru! Hurry up, Tono just called in inviting us to dine at his place!" Hikaru yelled, knocking on the glass shower door. I yelped in surprise that I haven't even seen him come into the bathroom. Hikaru really had no boundaries at all, he just strode into the bathroom, l knowing I was currently taking a shower.

"All right, I will be right out," I replied, turning down the water and grabbing a fresh towel the maids prepared for us, while we were sleeping, I guess. I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked out to see Hikaru changing his clothes. He seemed to have trouble picking one out.

"Hika, just take that orange one and stop destroying your brain cells over what to wear to something as ordinary like dinner," I said, walking over to his side and looking for a matching one with another color. Hikaru nodded and kissed me on the cheek as a sign of gratefulness towards me. I felt my cheeks heat up, but tried my hardest to suppress it, since how would I explain that to him if he noticed?

"You're so slow, Kaoru. I promised Tono I would drop by at Haruhi's and pick her up, since he probably has his hands full with commanding his servants on what to prepare for dinner," Hikaru complained, a slight annoyance hearable in his voice. Why Tamaki-senpai? Why have you asked Hikaru and me of all people to pick her up? Doesn't Kyoya-senpai live more in the way of Haruhi's home than we do?

"I guess, you're right. How about you take the nice limo and pick her up, I'll come then with the Audi."

"Why waste the gas when we can all go together? Seriously, Kaoru," He sighed, giving me a mischievous smirk. I smiled back at him. So he isn't entirely blinded with his Haruhi obsession. He still hasn't forgotten me. Hikaru wasn't throwing anything and anyone away for Haruhi. Thank God.

"Come on, Kao, you just complained that I break my head over what to wear yet you spend an eternity to fix your hair, which at the end looks the same anyway!" Hikaru said pulling my arm and basically dragging me out of our room and down to the gates, where our car was already waiting.

The ride with the car was dead silent, until we arrived at the Fujioka home. Hikaru jumped out of the car and dashed up the stairs to furiously knock on the door, probably eager to see Haruhi all dressed up. I sighed and decided why should I interfere, I can as well wait in the car. After a few seconds, they finally came down and got into the car. Haruhi looked normal as always, she was wearing the clothes from our club activities, since I doubt a little she has a lot of dresses she could wear.

"What do you think, Kao?"

"Huh?" I asked, confused about what was happening. I looked at Hikaru then at Haruhi and then back at Hikaru.

"Did you say something, Hika?"

"Man, you spaced out again. You know that you do that pretty often lately? I was asking you that we should take Haruhi dress, like literally, dress shopping sometime," Hikaru said, ruffling through my hair. Why? Why does his touch always make me feel so happy?

"Yeah, that would definitely be fun!" I lied. It wouldn't be any fun, since I would just feel left out and Hikaru would happily throw a million cute and or sexy outfits for her to try and I'm not really in the mood to listen to his gawking over her all the time.

"My daughter!" Tamaki's shriek voice called already from the balcony as he saw me, Hikaru and Haruhi get off of our nice Hitachiin vehicle. It seemed like Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai were already present. The only person missing was the Shadow King, who would probably arrive shortly after us. As the door to the enormous dining room opened, the first thing that happened was the Tamaki-senpai tackled Haruhi to the ground, hugging her tightly.

"Tono!" Hikaru yelled, obviously displeased with the public sign of affection towards –well- his object of affection. I wanted to grab his hand, to squeeze it and tell him to keep it down, but for some strange reason I couldn't. I wasn't able to do it.

What's going on with me? I have been feeling strange like this for quite awhile and if I'm honest, I don't really see through anymore. It's like my entire life is shrouded in a thick mist, which doesn't seem to want to go away. I'm confused and every single time I try to think about it, someone, most of the time Hikaru, interrupts my deep thinking and prolongs the process of getting this issue solved.

Before I could whine about it more a number of yells and a crashing sound interrupted my thinking, again. I looked up to see Hikaru still furiously screaming at Tamaki-senpai, who obviously paid no attention whatsoever to my brother. Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai were currently eating the dessert. They really shouldn't eat sweets before supper.

I sighed and left the room, asking a maid where the restrooms were. I needed a little time alone, at least for five minutes, before dinner would finally start. I can't wait to get home. The sooner we finish, the sooner we'll get home and I can fall asleep in Hikaru's arms like I always do.

But of course, fate as cruel as it sometimes is, decided to mess things up for me. As I came in contact with the doorknob, the bell announcing the beginning of dinner began to ring at full blast. I growled in annoyance and turned back to the dining room.

As I opened the door, I was met with the most heart-breaking sign I have ever witnessed.

Hikaru and Haruhi. He on top of her. Of course with Tamaki-senpai, almost ripping my twin's head off.

I felt goosebumps emerge on me skin and my hands started to tremble. This has never happened before. I got never overwhelmed by my feelings like this. Despite me knowing it was definitely an accident that they ended up in an awkward position like this, I still felt my body get limp and my blood boil in anger or fear, I don't even recognize the difference anymore.

Quick, before Hikaru notices that something is wrong with me. Do something, Kaoru!

"Oh! Hika is taking the initiative!" I teased.

_Please, don't make me feel like this anymore._

"What's next?"

_I hurts._

"Second base?"

_It hurts so much, Hika._

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**A/N There might be more errors than last time, since I feel too lazy to check it right now. **


	3. Chapter 3

**School has been really, guys, I'm so sorry. And wow, thank you for so many nice and kind reviews! If you find any other errors, or just want to tell me what you want in the story to change just PM me, my inbox is open. **

**Please enjoy!**

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**Kaoru's POV**

"Kaoru, baka! It was just an accident!" Hikaru argued, getting off of the petite girl. He brushed the dust of his body and tried to hide the heavy blush he had on his cheeks. Haruhi as casual as always just stood up and acted like it was no big deal what just had happened. I wonder does she even realize that someone might want to be romantically involved with her? Does she realize that Tamaki-senpai and Hikaru are fighting over her?

"Let's eat dinner, or it will get cold!" Honey-senpai chirped, having already half of his plate empty. I felt my heartbeat slow down and my breathing to be regular again. I hoped no one noticed, since I had the impression I acted really panicky and a little shaky as well. However, no one commented on my behavior so I guess everything is all right. I made my way over to my twin and actually thought that we would sit next to each other automatically, since we always did. Since birth. That's why the shock was the bigger, when he 'defeated' Tamaki-senpai on the last chair next to Haruhi and well, I couldn't really sit anywhere near him, since Haruhi as smart as she was sat down next to Mori-senpai and the last spot was also the last one at the end of the first side of the table.

"Kao, why aren't you sitting down?" Hikaru questioned, eyeing me with his golden eyes. Stop it. Stop looking at me like that! I flashed him a bright smile and seated myself next to Tono, who looked pretty devastated that he couldn't sit next to Haruhi. Senpai was acting really silly sometimes, but I guess, that's what we, the Host Club, liked about him.

Supper continued with a nice chatter about the clubs heavy income and how the 'brotherly love' act was getting time by time more popular. It did, because my feelings were sincere and not just played. The rich girls from Ouran, as dumb as they might be, still have that female intuition that just notices these kinds of things.

"Now you see what amazing actors I and Kaoru are," My brother bragged proudly, winking at me. If only he knew, how offended I felt after this sentence left his mouth. I wanted to slam my hands on the table, take my coat and just leave, but how would that look? Hitachiin Kaoru, the calmer and more mature twin, storming off without any explanation would definitely bring up some unwanted question and to be honest, I didn't really have the mood for annoying questions.

My eyes kept checking the old wooden clock on the wall, watching it closely to define when I could finally leave and return to the safe environment of my and Hikaru's room. Unfortunately, dessert needed to be served as well and that would at least take another hour before all would finish. My gaze fell on Hikaru and Haruhi, who were discussing something together. I tilted my head, trying to catch on what they were talking about, but Tono's screaming was just way too loud. I felt my eye twitch in annoyance, but I had to hold it together, there was no other option.

"Wow, dinner was amazingly good! We should eat French food more often," Hikaru said as we walked to our limousine, waiting for us in front of the Suoh residence. Tamaki-senpai insisted to escort Haruhi home, which was not really well accepted by Hikaru, but at the end he had to. I reached out for his hand and intertwined our hands in a loving manner. I felt him squeeze it lightly and smiling at me as we got into the limo.

I needed it. My body was entirely out of control. At dinner I wasn't able to touch him, let alone hold his hand, but now, my organism was craving Hikaru's closeness like it would stop functioning, if I didn't reach out for him. I don't know it this is taking advantage of the fact that we're twins, but I would use it as often as I could, if I couldn't be in a romantic relationship with him. As we got in the car, we leaned against each other and after a few short minutes I fell asleep.

I felt a strong light source around me as I slowly opened my eyelids to see that it were the lights from our enormous baroque chandelier we got for our 8th birthday. I blinked a few times to get my orbs adjusted to the bright light and sat up, looking around for my other half. I registered the sound of flowing water. Hikaru was probably only taking a shower.

I glanced at the clock to see that it was something after eleven at night. That means we just got home from Tamaki-senpai's place then. I felt a chill went down my spine and I noticed that my chest was bare. Did Hikaru undress me while I was asleep?! I couldn't help but blush at the thought of Hikaru touching me and taking the clothes from my body.

"Oh, Kaoru, you're up? I thought you would sleep 'til morning," Hikaru exclaimed, entering the room with a towel on his head. That bastard… He had only a towel around his waist, exposing himself to me. I mean, I have seen Hika even naked, but now it's a bit weird to look at him. Hikaru might not see it as awkward, but I could seriously now like start to hysterically yell and hide my face in my hands like an insane fangirl, oh how Renge would like that.

"So, let's go back to sleep, baby brother," He whispered, crawling under the duvet and embracing me with is strong arms. Our faces were only inches apart and for some strange reason he just started to stare into my eyes. I felt the heat coming to me cheeks as I leaned in and lightly brushed my lips against his. It was by no means intentional, I just did it. It wouldn't be as weird, since we pecked each other on the lips constantly, but I this just lasted too long for it be only a peck.

"Kaoru! What are you doing?!" Hikaru said, pushing me away with a shocked expression. I could see the panic and confusion reflecting in his eyes as he jumped out of bed. Now I ruined everything. Why didn't I pull away? Why did I prolong it when I knew that this was impossible? Did I believe that miracles could happen, that Hikaru might feel the same?

"Kao… I d-didn't knew… I'm sorry. I'll g-go to the guest room for tonight," He said and by the tone of his voice it sounded like one thing. Rejection. He quickly put some clothes on and with steady steps heading towards the door. Hikaru doesn't love me back. And he was about to leave. But he can't leave me behind. No.

"Hikaru! Don't go!"

As the words left my mouth, the door closed after him.

"Kaoru!" I hear my name being called repeatedly. It sounded so distant, yet so familiar. The calling become louder and louder until I felt myself being shaken awake. I opened my eyes and it was dark. I looked at the person calling me and it was my twin, Hikaru. He had a worried expression on his face, his eyes in tears? No way, it must be the moonlight.

"What happened, Hika?"

"You just started to yell my name and… and… I thought something was hurting you," He said, resting his head on my shoulder and signing in relief. I looked at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was almost three in the morning. It was just a dream. I didn't destroy anything. I didn't mess up the relationship with Hikaru at all! I felt my eyes filling with tears as I hugged Hikaru and pressed my head on his chest, sulking with happiness.

He was still here.

He hadn't left me.

"It's late, let's sleep, Kaoru."

The next day went by unusually fast. Well, it was definitely not like I really paid any attention in my class. My focus was distracted by my brother, like it has been the previous night. Wouldn't Hikaru react just like that, if he found out about my true feelings? Wouldn't he just ran off and leave me alone and helpless?

"Yo, Kaoru, I think we should play the 'Which one is Hikaru' game with the girls, haven't played that in quite awhile," Hikaru said, holding my hand and walking with me to the third music room. I nodded, but couldn't help but let out a silent sigh, since this meant there would be less 'brotherly love' act today. I knew, I was acting heavily immature and my I felt horrible about it, but it was no use fighting my inner desires like that.

"You're late, the ladies are already awaiting you," Kyoya-senpai said, piercing us with a cold look, making me and Hikaru lose almost all color from our faces. We apologized and strode towards our booth and welcomed our regular clients to the Host Club. He put out matching green berets to hide out bangs and started to randomly swirl around to confuse the girls.

"So! Which one of us is Hikaru and which one is Kaoru!" We both said in unison, making mirror gestures to cause even more irritation. The girls looked nervous and blushed a little bit as well, not quite certain which on is which. But before any of them could respond to our question I heard the door fling wide open, revealing a person I knew too well.

Makita Yuki.

"Welcome, my beautiful princess! I believe this is the first time my sight caught your beauty. Tell me, is it your first time here?" Tamaki-senpai said with a charming smile, kissing the back of Yuki's hand. Our blond boss really knew how to flatter the female gender that was always something I respected and acknowledged in his personality.

"Yes, it's my first time, my handsome prince. And if you don't mind, I would love to request Hitachiin Kaoru, if possible," She replied with an honest smile, playing along with Tono's silly act. Yuki was really a strange girl. She was cheerful yet very serious. She hasn't even twitched, when Tono's lips touched her hand and her cheeks were not even close to flushed. It almost seemed like she was having all possible characteristics on her personality range.

"Oh, Yuki, it's you. Sorry, but the twins always come with as a package. But you're welcome to join the other clients. Hikaru and Kaoru are over there."

"Thanks, Kyoya-senpai. Oh, and Yumi asked me to tell you that the report will be done due tomorrow," Yuki said, walking toward us and waving her hand at me. Despite us not being close friends just yet, she treats me so well. As I said earlier, she was actually a pretty odd person. I couldn't help but notice that she hides something. Something very dark and sad deep inside her heart, locked away from the rest of the world. However, I still smiled at her and waved back, which earned me a questioning look from my twin, Hikaru.

"Seems like we have a new guest in our circle! May I ask name what your name is?"

"It's Makita Yuki, nice to meet you, Hikaru-kun!" Yuki said, smiling widely at my brother. She just sat down beside the rest of our clients, which greeted her happily. It seemed like they knew Yuki as well, how many people does this girl know?

"Another player for the 'Which one is Hikaru' game! The more the merrier! So, which one is Hikaru?" We asked again, sliding into our script again. We had a surprise guest, but that didn't mean we would just throw everything aside. The flushed cheeks and heavy giggles returned in the matter of seconds as a second year student raised her hand and pointed at Hikaru claiming it was him. We always said it was wrong or right like we wanted. It's not like they would ever find out anyway, right?

"Oh, but I'm Kaoru!" Hikaru said, doing a fake pouting face. The girls immediately apologized and started to laugh. They found it oh so amusing, but it was just so insulting towards me and towards Hika probably as well. They saw it as a game and haven't even thought of the possibility that one of us might be hurt from that. But these females are just dumb, who cares if they can't tell us apart.

"Wait a moment, Shizuka, you said the one on the left was Hikaru, right?"

Huh?

"Yeah, Yuki-chan, I did. But I think I'm just not as good as Haruhi-kun is."

Why is Yuki bringing that up?

"Well, Shizuka, you didn't say it wrong. The one you pointed at _is_ really Hikaru."

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**A/N Again, I'm way to lazy to check the grammar. T-T But! Do not worry, this won't turn into a KaoxOC.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, not one of my best chapters, but oh well. **

**Please enjoy.**

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**Kaoru's POV**

"What are you talking about, Yuki-chan? They just said that that one is Kaoru!" The girl, probably named Shizuka, said looking surprised at the freshman, who was impaling us with her crystal blue eyes with a slight frown on her face. I and Hikaru exchange unsure glances as to how she was able to tell which one was which? Could it really be possible that someone beside Haruhi could recognize me from Hikaru?

"I just know it, there's no reason behind it," Yuki said, waiting for us to confirm her statement. Makita, you little minx, how can you possibly tell that the person next to me is Hikaru? Hikaru coughed and just said that Yuki was indeed correct in claiming that he was Hikaru. Did this mean that there are more people in the world, who can tell the difference between me and my twin? Or… Is it because Hika is drifting away from me and the little things which made us really identical are slowly disappearing?

The club was soon over and I led Yuki aside to question her, why she was here and most importantly why she can tell which one is Hikaru and which one is Kaoru. Hikaru was in the meantime saying goodbye to our clients and was starting alongside with Haruhi to clean the third music room. The sight alone made my blood boil in fury and my heart to clench in endless pain.

"How do you tell me and Hika apart?"

"Well, aren't you blunt, Kaoru-san. The only reason I was able to distinguish you two is the fact that your eyes are full of suffering and pain. You know, a bright smile won't always cover up a broken heart," She replied, waiting if her explanation was satisfactory enough for me.

"Oh…I see. So what did you want to talk to me about? No, wait, first tell me how you know Kyoya-senpai. I mean, you and his personalities don't really match up for you guys to be friends."

"We have been friends since forever. Kyoya-senpai didn't use to be like this the whole time you know. He has a kind and sweet side too, he just decides not to show it to everyone just like that. As the third son of the Otori family he really can't afford to be reckless and playful as me, who is an only child and the next inheritor of the Makita industry."

Wow, this puts Kyoya-senpai in a whole other light. I mean, for me he'll always be the Shadow Lord, but the fact that someone knows him this well, would make anyone wonder if there's some truth behind it. I wonder, if she knows other people at the Host Club like Honey-senpai or Mori-senpai, but I guess I have been bugging her with her questioning long enough.

"So now tell me why you came. I could see how bored you were during the whole act."

"I just wanted to give you my phone number. Actually after I stormed off without an explanation the other day, I couldn't stop but think about your tears and how you told me about the person you like. You can ring me anytime, I should be available most of the time, so just, you know. And while we are having this conversation, my father is probably at the edge of exploding from anger, since I have an important meeting to attend to, so I have to run off again. See ya, Kaoru!"

And with that she was gone.

I gazed at the piece of paper in my head and thought about that she seemed like a really understanding person. Perhaps I really could tell her about my problems with my twin, perhaps I could really say once in my life out loud that I love Hikaru, more than myself, more than anything in this world.

"Oh! So you got her phone number? I must admit, she's really cute, so why don't you go out with her?" Hikaru asked, clinging onto my left arm.

Why are you telling me such things? It tears me apart when you say that I should go out with her. I feel salty tears fill my eyes as I think how cruel you can be possibly towards me. My heart aches, it has been in pain for such a long time, but you never noticed, never asked me what was wrong or if I wasn't feeling well.

"No, she's not really my type. I just met her the other day that's all."

"That's a shame then, Kaoru. But whatever, guess what! Haruhi decided to come over to our place!" He chirped happily. So that's why he was so hyperactive and happy as he approached me. Honestly, I would rather eat dirt than let Haruhi into our home. Don't get me wrong, I totally adore and love her, but I'm scared.

Scared, that if she enters our house, everything will change.

"How did you convince her? Haruhi has never been really fond of visiting any of the host's prestige homes."

"That's the magic of Hitachiin Hikaru. You should know that best Kaoru," He said, grabbing my hand again and walking me out of the room to our limo, where Haruhi was already waiting for us. As much as I want to hate her, I can't, because she has done nothing wrong. She never tried to seduce my brother, she never even put in the effort to make Hikaru like her. And still, Hikaru fell head over heels in love with her, letting me behind day by day more and more.

"After you Haruhi," Hikaru said, gesturing her to go into the limo. I knew he was just teasing her, but I couldn't help but notice my twitching eye.

"Let's just get this over with," Haruhi sighed, getting into the vehicle alongside with me and Hikaru. She didn't seem really so happy to have to go home with us, but I guess Hikaru bribed her with fancy tuna or something of that sort. The whole way home was more or less just my twin talking to Haruhi, while I just sat on the side and looked at the sky, which should make my mood better, but with Hikaru's silly giggling it was almost impossible.

As we arrived at the Hitachiin mansion, we were greeted by numerous maids and servants, welcoming us home and straightly asking us if we were to wish something to drink or eat or anything they could possible do for us. We dismissed them, like most of the time, but I still overheard our teen twin maids, whispering something about Hikaru or Kaoru (they can't really tell us apart) having a new girlfriend aka Haruhi. I just rolled my eyes in pure annoyance as Hikaru lead Haruhi up the stairs probably his planned destination being our room.

This would be a first. I really couldn't care less, but Hikaru was always pretty tense about who got to enter our room and who didn't. I could roughly find a distant memory, when Tamaki-senpai was over for a surprise visit and how Hika almost exploded in rage when he just strode without permission into our room. However, that was back then, our world is expanding and we're getting closer to other people beside ourselves. We aren't the center of the world any longer, since Haruhi and the Host Club invaded and broke the barrier keeping us safe from harm and betrayal.

"Wow, you room looks actually more feminine than I thought," Was the first thing Haruhi said, as my brother opened the door.

"It's not my fault. Kaoru does the decorating!"

"Hikaru… so you don't like my decorating?" I said, a small fake tear rolling down my cheek. Hikaru caught my drift and immediately embraced me and pressed my head against his chest. We weren't at the Host Club, but we just got so used to it, that sometimes we just do it to annoy Haruhi. You would think Hikaru would want to put a stop to that, but I guess his silly and childish mind was secretly hoping that Haruhi would somehow in a twisted way get jealous? I have really no clue how Hika's mind works when it comes to complicated issues like love.

"Baka, I could never. I love it more than you can imagine."

"Hikaru…"

"So I might as well leave you two," Haruhi sweat dropped, looking away. Hikaru immediately snapped out of it and almost hysterically yelled out.

"No, you have been here for barely five minutes!"

So he reverted back. This was quicker than usual. Normally, Hikaru holds me for awhile after our act ends. But I guess I can't expect something as selfish as that from a man who's in love. I felt a light pain in my chest area and wondered if this is what lovesickness feels like. I sighed and just slipped out of the room, saying I needed to speak to the cook about that day's dinner.

I dashed quickly through the and into the library. I needed something to calm me down and the only thing which was able to do so was very well hidden under a bookshelf in the second floor of the library, where all the religious stuff was stored. Hikaru would rather kill himself than ever step into this area of the library. I put some books aside and pulled out a little chest from behind them.

I had to smile as soon as I saw the familiar engravings on the wooden box. I haven't looked at it in quite awhile, but I always kept it in mind. I unlocked in and slowly opened it, revealing a small glass figure of a phoenix. I felt my inside grow warmer as I looked at it, the afternoon soon reflecting in it, creating a harmonic spectrum of warm red and orange colors.

This was a present from Hika when were like 6 years old.

I still remember it clearly. I broke one of my favorite toys and cried. The maids did everything to cheer me up, but I just kept weeping. The toy was custom made, so until our parents would return and ordered me a new one, I was really unbearable to be with.

_"__Here, Kao, look what I found in the storage unit!" _

_"__Huh, what's that, Hika?" I asked, as he showed me a shiny object colored in a deep shade of crimson. My eyes were like magically drawn to the thing my twin brother was holding. He smiled and pecked me lightly on the cheek._

_"__Take this Kao, just don't cry about the toy anymore, 'kay?" _

_"'__Kay!" _

I was more mature than him. Everyone knows that I'm the logical one, while Hikaru lets his temper often take control of his actions. But… Hikaru is still my older brother. He protects me and always did all things necessary to prevent me from being sad and unhappy. I really couldn't ask for a better older brother.

"Kaoru? What are you doing up there?"

Haruhi. Shit.

My hand kind of shot up in pure surprise and I dropped the glass bird on the floor directly in front of my brunette friend. I was at first relieved that it didn't break from such height. But my eyes widened as I ran, ran as fast as I could down to Haruhi to pick up my little treasure. Suddenly I felt the heavy feeling of anxiety in my body as my adrenalin shot up and the more when I saw her lean forward to pick it up.

I was afraid, that if she would touch it, it would get tainted.

That it wouldn't be only mine and Hika's anymore.

I don't want the spell on the carriage to disappear.

As she was only inches away from touching it, I almost aggressively pushed her aside and reclaimed my property. I heard a gasp and a hard hit on a side bookshelf. But I was so impulsive at that moment, I could only think about my little precious bird. My breathing was faster than usual and I felt my body shake.

What the hell is going on with me?!

And as on cue Hikaru came in, to witness the whole incident. He immediately went to check on Haruhi, who rubbed her head and looked at her scratched knee. I snapped out of my trance and walked slowly to Haruhi and Hikaru.

What have I done?!

"Haruhi is everything all right? Aren't you hurt? Should I call for a doctor?" Hikaru asked, helping her to sit up straight. She just shook her head and growled in pain.

"Haruhi, I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me!" I said, kneeling beside her, the feeling of guilt spreading inside of me. Was I turning insane from my jealousy? How could I hurt someone so dear to me? Was I losing my mind?

"Don't touch her Kaoru! You have done enough!"

"But let me expla-"

And with that his hand collided with my face and I felt a sharp pain on my right cheek.

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**A/N I don't know... this story is getting a little messy. **


	5. Chapter 5

**'Kay! Super short chapter today, I'm so sorry, guys! **

**Please enjoy?**

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**Kaoru's POV**

I felt my right cheek vibrating from the pain as the physical signals of violence were sent through Hikaru's hand onto me.

It's Newton's first motion law. When viewed in an inertial reference frame, an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by an external force. I wasn't a mere object from the view of Physics and Biology, but the law acted upon me. I could either stay in this frozen state or the second, less sorrowful, option was to just stand up and move.

Move away. From Haruhi. From Hikaru.

I chose the second. I rubbed my cheek as the pain was still lingering there and silently stood up, earning an odd look from Haruhi and my twin.

"I'm really sorry, Haruhi. I really didn't mean to hurt you," I sincerely apologized, which earned a warm smile from my friend, but after that I just left. I closed the door almost inaudibly as I started to run, run away from the betrayal I felt deep inside myself.

Hikaru had never been violent on me. Not even once. He had maybe yelled at me a few times, but it has never come down to physical harming. He's my twin, my other half, so the thought never occurred to me that he might hurt me in some way other than emotional. I felt my thoughts getting blurry and confused again. Man, this was happening way too often now. I'm not able to think straight and honestly I feel the biggest piece of crap in the universe right now.

After I finally managed to get back to my room, I slammed the door shut and leaned against the mahogany door, the feeling of hurt and betrayal only now welling up in me and forming salty tears in the corners of my eyes. I heard silent sobs leaving my mouth as the water drops rolled down my cheeks.

Why?

I and Hika have been always together. Always. He and I were one, two sides of the same coin, two halves of a whole, but now? This happy fairly tale is slowly disappearing. Each day the barrier breaks a bit more. By now there must be a pretty big crack already, threatening to break any second. And when it shatters, everything will be over. I'll fall in nothingness while Hikaru will fly high into the sky, so I cannot reach up to him anymore.

Wow, these are really depressing and gloomy thoughts I have there.

But still, the sadness, pain and sorrow didn't go away. How could they if the only man I have ever loved loves somebody else? I wonder what sin I have committed in my present and or previous life that I deserved the biggest punishment existing, being in love with your own sibling and to make matters worse, your twin, someone who's identical yet so different from you. I tried… I tried multiple times to forget about it, to shrug it off as a temporary crush, since I spend most of my time with him. But no, the feelings still linger deep in my heart, in my croocked, broken heart.

As my tears dried, I looked out of the window to see that the sun already set and that it was probably something after 6 PM already. Haruhi must have gone home by now already with Hikaru as her escort of course. I didn't doubt that even for one second. I buried my face deep in my hands and pressed my knees to my chest, curling up in a comfortable and soothing position. I didn't know how time had passed, but one thing was for certain.

The hurt was still there.

Then suddenly I heard a light knock on the door. My body tensed up, knowing that the person on the other side of the door my brother is. My heart started to race and my breathing got faster as well. He whispered my name, pleading me to open the door, but it just hurt. I wanted to open the door, let him in and fall asleep in his arms, but…

I just couldn't.

"Kaoru… Please, open the door," His voice sound upset? Was he angry with me? Or does he understand that I really didn't do it on purpose? Does he regret that he slapped me? So many questions were swirling in my head I didn't know what answer to what question to demand right then. I remained silent, a small part of me probably hoping that he would just go away and leave me alone. However, the knocking and calling continued, it never stopped, never faded away.

We were so close yet so far.

The only thing keeping us apart was the door, the thin door, which only needed to be opened. As I still refused to open them or to at least give him a proper reply, a loud rustling sound echoed through the room as he door forcefully opened, revealing Hikaru with a satisfied grin. Yeah, what a great idea to lock myself into our room, where I and Hika know all the ways possible of getting in.

Without a word, he embraced me in a warm bear hug, pressing my head close to his chest. He hugged me so tightly there was barely any space between us. We were so close I could smell strawberries from his hair. I love this smell and I love it when it's mixed with Hikaru's scent. I deeply breathed in, before realizing that Hika was somewhat shaking.

But that didn't change the fact, that I was mad at him. Was I mad though? Wasn't I rather confused, irritated and frustrated about my twin?

As much as I wanted to stay in this position, I pushed him away, running out of the room, covering my ears to block out his desperate calls. I just kept sprinting down the dark halls, before finally arriving at the last room in our enormous mansion. This was the furthest I could get from Hikaru and I would spend the night here for all I cared at the state was in. I closed the door shut and just laid down on the guest bed, which was already neatly prepared by the maids and the staff, working for the Hitachiin family.

I cuddled into the warm cover, drifting off with great difficulty to a dreamless sleep.

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**A/N I really want to thank those who reviewed and favorited and or followed the story. I'm happy and feel really appreaciated for my work, thanks. I will try to update sooner, since this chapter was so short. **


	6. Chapter 6

**This week was pure torture, trust me. I'm glad I even had the strength to finish this chapter. **

**Please enjoy. **

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**Kaoru's POV**

I just stared blankly at the white wall in front of me with a frown on my face as I felt the exhaustion from last night fall onto me. I tried to sleep, I really did, but I just wasn't able to, not when Hikaru wasn't there to hold me. It seemed almost pathetic how dependent I have become on my brother. I mean, it would happen sooner or later. After we would graduate from Ouran Academy, we would definitely walk different paths to achieve our goals and dreams.

I sighed. It was still fairly early, but I could, instead of just lying there like a corpse, do something productive and for example go to school early and do some useful stuff for the Host club. I roughly remembered that Kyoya-senpai said something about getting new porcelain dishes? I would have to check it though.

I slipped out of bed and looked at my reflection. Man, I was such a mess. There were circles under my eyes and just my whole appearance looked rather annoyed and not at all charming as it usually did. I looked at the sloppy uniform on me and decided that I would need a new one. However, I would need to go back into my room for a fresh one and Hikaru probably sleeps in there right now. Well, there was one choice, I couldn't go to school like this, Kyoya-senpai wouldn't even let me into the music room if I showed up in this outfit.

I walked with silent steps down the hall and stairs and with shaking hands slowly opened the door to my and Hika's room. The room was still dark, since the curtains were still hanging down, but my eyes adjusted to the dark quickly and I started to go to the closet, where my spare uniform was located. I thanked the gods that Hikaru was still asleep his heavy snoring giving it away. I opened the wooden door only a crack as not to make too much of a sound and pulled out my uniform. After that I just grabbed my bag and closed the door behind me, leaving my brother to his blissful sleep.

But I couldn't help but glance at him one last time before I closed the door shut. The painful memory of his hand colliding with my cheek reappeared in my mind and I just felt that odd feeling in my stomach. The uncomfortable feeling that knew that my twin brother hit me, hit me because of her, because of Haruhi. My hands clenched into tight fists as I walked to a nearby bathroom and changed out of my, with sweat, drenched clothes.

How could he? My own flesh and blood, like literally, was violent with me only because of a small accident. I mean, yeah, sure, the hit sounded pretty harsh, but the damage itself wasn't as serious. I would have understood if he yelled at me, but slapping me, because I once in my life did something on instinct was enough reason for me to be upset with him.

However, perhaps it wasn't anger I felt. Maybe it was jealousy that was eating me up inside.

A burning feeling in my chest emerged, when I realized that Haruhi is probably becoming more important to Hikaru than me. Thoughts of Hikaru leaving me behind to run after her and to make anything necessary for her to fall for him were making me sick. It was almost unbearable, but still, I held on, since in my heart there was still hope. Despite my logical common sense telling me that there isn't, my heart keeps screaming for Hikaru, longing and hoping for him to stay.

Stay with me. Forever.

"Hitachiin-sama, aren't you up early? What would you like for breakfast?" A maid asked, obviously shocked to see one of the Hitachiin brothers so soon awake. Our servants and maids referred to us as 'Hitachiin-sama', since it was more formal and saves them the trouble to actually have to distinguish me from my twin.

"The usual."

"As you wish, young master," The maid exclaimed, before dashing off into the kitchen to tell the chef to prepare my food. I just sat down on the enormous dining table and looked outside as the sun was rising higher and higher up the sky, enlightening everything, liberating everything from darkness of the night. But I soon got bored and turned on the plasma television, deciding to check on the weather forecast to see if the climate was changing. It was already mid January, so some snow would have been actually nice to see. Not too much though…

"Young master, your dish," The maid said, before putting a plate of my usual in front of me. I thanked her gratefully something Hikaru rarely did and dug in before it could get cold. As I finished I saw that on various parts of Japan unexpected blizzards took place. Nothing serious, but it were blizzard and snowstorms nonetheless. I felt my hands tremble at the thought of a blizzard coming upon Tokyo, but I just shrugged it off.

It has been almost 10 years already. I have to get over it. Besides what were the chances that it would hit Tokyo as well?

I glanced at the clock to see that it was barely something past seven, so I just stood up and called our chauffeur to make the limo ready. The driver greeted me with a cheerful smile and like the maid didn't fail to ask me where my twin brother was. I just shrugged it off and said I was in a hurry, so he should step on it.

As the car departed and I sat comfortably in the dark Mercedes, I just stared out of the window, wondering if Hikaru was up yet. I sighed once more. Well, I have been sighing a lot lately. But I wouldn't do it if there was a reason. This whole thing just makes me feel so lonely. While our parents are home more often lately, I still don't have the feeling of being truly happy, not since I discovered my feelings for Hikaru.

"Hitachiin-sama, we have arrived," The driver said, glancing at me from the front mirror. I nodded and got off the car, declining his offer to open it for me. I was rich, sure, but still not that spoiled that I couldn't open a damn door. As I turned my front to the Ouran building my jaw almost dropped. The school has an entirely different vibe when it's empty than when it's shrouded in students. I never noticed how magnificent the architecture was neither how the trees and ponds gave it a peaceful and harmonic atmosphere.

As I walked towards the gate, I noticed a small snowflake land on the hem of my coat. I blinked in surprise and raised my eyes up to the sky to see snow falling. A smile appeared magically on my face as I looked happily around, gleeful that even thought Christmas was over, snow still decided to come visit Tokyo.

"Isn't it wonderful, Hika-"

Oh, yeah. Hikaru wasn't here with me right now. Man, these things really happen automatically, I can't really say it doesn't seem a tad disturbing. I mean, this wasn't good, if I speak up to someone who isn't even with me at that moment. But I guess everyone would be irritated if they spend their entire 16 years of life with someone always by their side and never leaving for more than 5 hours.

"Kaoru-san…. Eh, or Hikaru-kun? What brings you so early to school?" A too familiar voice called out. As I turned around I smiled to see Yuki, dashing towards me with a wide smile on her face. Does she ever not smile? I wonder.

"It's Kaoru. I had a hard time sleeping, so I decided to do some stuff for the club. What about you? Are you always so early?" I asked, curious as well. It was still early the other students probably wouldn't arrive a quarter hour later.

"Oh, I just like coming early. The quiet surroundings always inspire me to draw and soothe my senses," She replied, showing me her sketchbook.

"May I have a look?" I asked, interested in her drawing skills. She nodded with a smile and handed me her blog. I opened the first pages and gasped in shock. It was me and Hikaru on the picture! I heard her giggle as she probably saw the surprised expression on my face.

"What is this?"

"You see, I don't really like the Host Club, but you people are really nice to draw! Don't get too cocky though! If you look at the next pages there are the other hosts as well!" She said, laughing loudly. I really ought to introduce her to Renge some time. The both of them have so much energy, it seems like they chulk down ten cups of coffee every morning before departing to school.

I felt the wind pick up and my body started to shiver. Snow and wind. My body started to feel a little paralyzed, but still not enough for me not being able to move. Yuki noticed that and shot me a concerned look. I just smiled nervously and returned the sketchbook to its owner.

"Are you okay, Kaoru-san? You don't seem really well?"

"It's just cold, I'll probably go into school now. And you should too, we wouldn't want to freeze out here, do we?"

"Okay," She exclaimed. From the tone of her voice, I could tell that she wasn't quite convinced from what I have said, but oh well, she didn't pressure me to tell her, so I just dropped it off. We chatted a little before our ways parted, since she had another class as her first period. I just walked down the stairs and got into my classroom. A few people were already there, so I guess my little talk with Yuki lasted longer than I had thought.

"Good morning, Kaoru," A familiar feminine voice said, looking up from her notes and smiling at me. I smiled as well and sat down on the seat beside her. She seemed fine, which relieved me greatly. I should say I'm sorry once more, I guess. I don't want things between me and Haruhi to be weird or awkward. She's a really dear friend to me, the first person I actually liked beside Hikaru that is.

"Morning. Haruhi, look, I really wanted to apologize for what happened yesterday. I'm really sorry, I didn't mea-"

"Kaoru, it's fine. I'm not angry with you. Let's just forget about it, okay? What does worry my though, is if you and Hikaru are all right after yesterday's incident. I guess you're still mad with him, since you showed up by yourself today."

"Ugh… I don't know. I'm not really certain if I'm mad with him though."

"You should talk about it then. I don't like when you two fight, although that doesn't happen really often," Haruhi said, giving that motherly look. I guess since she was small she had to be strong when her mom passed away so suddenly. She really is an amazing and strong person.

No wonder Hikaru fell in love with her…

"Good morning, Haruhi!"

"Oh, Hikaru. A little chirpy this morning, aren't you?" Haruhi asked, as Hikaru flopped down on his desk not even glancing at me.

"Yeah! I slept like a log last night! I'm fully charged for the day to come!" He said with a wide smile.

I see... So does this mean, he can't sleep well when I'm with him? What happened to his attitude form yesterday? He felt sorry for slapping me, didn't he? Or did he change his mind about last night and he's now angry that I hurt Haruhi? I guess, he didn't miss me in bed last night or longed for my presence like I longed for his.

Perhaps... he prefers to sleep on his own...

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**A/N Well! There's isn't much to tell about this chapter. But please review, that would be nice. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Oookay! I'm so sorry, I suddenly stopped updating, but school has been really busy and if my grades aren't good, I won't be able to write at all anymore!**

**Please enjoy. **

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**Kaoru's POV**

School was finally over. It seemed like today was going extremely slowly and on top of that Hikaru hadn't even made the effort to talk to me. At all. I would lie if I said it didn't bother me, since it did to a degree that made want to slam pieces of furniture against the wall or any surface for that matter. Of course, Haruhi noticed this and told me to just go home, that she would tell Kyoya-senpai that I wasn't feeling well and that a puking Kaoru would definitely not bring much profit.

The last days, maybe even already week, I have been nothing but a depressed wreck and I wanted to cry, like all the time. But now I just feel angry and really pissed. Am I pregnant or why do I have these insane mood swings? Everyone always stamped me as the more mature and calm twin, but if I'm entirely honest, I feel like no one changed their mood more often than I did.

"Kaoru-san or Hikaru-san, you aren't going to the Host Club today?" A few random girls asked as I walked passed them. I just flashed them a smile, told them I was Kaoru and that Hikaru would for a change host alone, since I wasn't feeling really, which was actually true. But I know that Kyoya-senpai already calculated the risk, while talking to Haruhi, of only one Hitachiin being there today would hurt the business. However, I guess I and Hika make so much income Kyoya-senpai doesn't mind and this actually gives Hikaru the opportunity to play the whole 'my-brother-is-sick-and-I-am-worried-sick' act.

I called my chauffeur and just told him to drive me home. I was feeling really tired and even though we had a Geography exam the next day, I just relaxed and emptied my head from all thoughts, or at least I tried. I just leaned back and closed my eyes, hoping this confusion would just go away.

"Young master, you are home fairly early today? Has your club activities been cancelled?" A maid questioned as she opened main gates for me. I just shrugged it off and strode into the kitchen, where the chef was already preparing necessary ingredients for supper. Man, I guess, I have never realized that these people seriously cook and clean almost nonstop 24/7. That must be a pretty exhausting life if you ask me.

"Oh, the young master Hitachiin has already returned. What a delightful day, why aren't you outside with your friends or with your brother for that matter?" The chef asked, while commanding some servants around and chopping some onions, which he delicately threw into something, which looked like some very prestigious soup.

"I haven't been feeling well, since yesterday. Probably comes from the lack of food and sleep. I will leave you to your work. I just got in to take an apple to sooth my hunger. Also, I wish not to eat dinner tonight, so please tell my brother when he returns."

The chef nodded and his attention went back to the fresh salmon on the table, waiting to be killed and then chopped into pieces. I just closed the door shut, biting, rather aggressively, into my apple a few drops of apple juice sprinkling out of the fruit in the process. I went up to my room to take my pyjamas and all I needed for living in a guest room. Maybe, I should later tell my parents and I guess also Hikaru that I want a separate room.

I knew they would be surprised, but better than me snapping, turning insane and them finding out that I love my own identical twin. I finished only half of the apple before throwing it into the trash, flopping down on my bed, looking outside.

It was still snowing.

Snow is so pure and has that really angelic vibe around itself. I like snow. It's, unlike me, clean and so soft, that it always brings a smile on my face to bloom. The little snowflakes just fell down one by one on the glass window, lulling me to sleep. I felt my eyelids grow heavier and despite a voice in my head yelling that this was no time to sleep, I drifted off to a peaceful sleep with wonderful dreams awaiting me.

For the first time in 3 months.

…

My body tensed as I felt my bed stir a little, perhaps it was even shaking. My eyes ripped open as I felt something warm enveloping me. Wasn't I covered in my blanket? How warmer could it got? I turned and my eyes widened in shock.

"Hik..aru…," I managed to stammer out, looking wide-eyed at my twin brother, who held me against his chest and snuggled his head into my red locks. I could hear his calm breathing as he tightened the embrace even more. It was a little uncomfortable, but more than that it was delightfully wonderful.

"Kao… I can't sleep without you," He admitted, looking at me with is shinning gold eyes. I looked at him as he stroked my cheek in the attempt to soothe me, to make to forgive him. And maybe it was the sleepiness, but I just smiled widely and hugged him tightly.

"But… didn't you say you slept really well last night?" I insisted, as I recalled how cheerful and happy he was in the morning, when he talked to Haruhi and totally ignored me. I was tired to death, well, I still was, but the important thing was that it seemed like he was totally okay.

"No wonder, I had like 5 cups of coffee before I even left home. The maids tried to stop me, but I was in such a foul mood that I yelled angrily at half of them to bring me another one," He whispered in my ear, which sent shivers down my spine. I chuckled in amusement.

"Well, that sounds like something you would do, I guess," I teased him playfully, pinching his nose gently. He pouted and gave me that incredibly cute puppy look, which he probably learned from Tono.

"I'm sorry, Kaoru. The guilt inside of me is driving me insane and I can't sleep with a good consciousness with the knowledge, I hurt you. Please, I just acted on impulse, I don't even know what it was, please, forgive me."

Those were the words, I wanted to hear, right? So why is it still so difficult to forgive him? Maybe it wasn't the fact that he hit me that bothered me. No, I'm certain that if he had slapped me under other circumstances, I wouldn't even care. It's because he hurt me because of _her_. With that he basically confirmed the fact that she's becoming more important to him than me.

"Kaoru?" He whispered silently, probably wondering if I fell asleep, since I wasn't giving him any response to his request. But I just closed my eyes shut and didn't react on his call. I don't know what to answer him. Wouldn't forgiving him mean I'm giving up and letting him go? Or would it actually be a way forward for us?

It's so late. I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. Tomorrow's also a day, so we could discuss this with Hikaru also tomorrow, right? He won't run away in the mean time. I felt him nuzzle into my hair before I closed my eyes and dozed off to dreamland once again.

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**REVIEW**

**A/N Yup, I think we all had plenty of angst in the previous chapters, so I thought a tiny little fluff in between couldn't really hurt anyone. Stay tunned for the next chapter. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, finally got a minute to breathe out. **

**Please enjoy. **

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**Kaoru's POV**

A light knocking on the door awakened me from my peaceful slumber. I growled in annoyance and lazily opened my eyes, staring at the door and waiting for the servants to enter and probably tell me that breakfast was ready.

"Yeah, we heard you!" Hikaru practically yelled next to me towards the door and with that the knocking stopped. I blinked a few times in surprise to see Hikaru actually lie next to me. Oh. Yeah, I forgot he somehow snug into my room the previous night and...

...he asked for forgiveness.

"Morning, Kao."

"Morning?" I said, slightly confused. I was irritated. They way he looked at me... I knew he was eager to hear my answer. He probably was expecting an acceptance since I always forgave him because he's my brother, my twin, my everything.

"So..."

"Look at the time! If we don't hurry we'll be late," I exclaimed, standing up throwing the blanket to the side and opening the closet to get my uniform. Hikaru just loudly sighed and stood up. He and I knew that I wasn't ready to talk. I wasn't mad at him anymore. I wasn't but the jealousy is just too overwhelming for me to bear. I'm acting irrationally and kind of silly because of that, but I just really can't help it.

However, did Hikaru even realize my pain and suffering? He was sure feeling guilty for being violent with me but if he realizes what's actually going on is doubtful. I'm his brother. He basically had to start to love me eventually. As I adjusted my tie, I suddenly felt a pair of mildly muscular arms wrapped around me from behind. Hikaru was really sneaky one. I wonder if he had any idea what effects these kind of actions have on me. How could he anyway? I always perfectly hid my true feelings behind a mask of fake smiled and lies.

"Hikaru... Let go, we have to go to school."

He just nuzzled into my neck and deeply breathed in my scent. And as much as he loved my smell, I loved his. I felt my legs get a little weaker, but it still wasn't enough to break down my walls. But seriously, I was such a mess right then. My body literally screamed for Kaoru, when my head wanted to block him out at any cost and my heart? It was aching in endless suffering.

"Kaoru... please, I can't let go until you forgive me," He exclaimed as he tightened his grip on me like he was afraid I would slip away or something. I didn't really know why, but I felt my lips curve up in a small smile and I sighed a little, happily of course. Hikaru is such a dummy sometimes.

I guess... it can't be helped.

"Fine, I forgive you, but don't think that's the end of this," I said perhaps more harshly than I intended to. He blinked in surprise a few times, since his annoy-him-to-death techniques never worked and now I'm forgiving him just like that. Maybe I should ask my mom to get me a shrink. I would probably really need him or her for that matter.

"Really?!" He suddenly pulled away and pressed his soft lips against mine in a short but blissful kiss. I felt my stomach tickle and I wished this moment would never parish, but I think it's the briefness of the moment that it made it so special and magical.

Yes, whatever it is I have with Hikaru, it's something special and definitely magical.

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**A/N I'm so sorry that this chapter is like 500 words long, but this was supposed to be in the last chapter and well, it would be weird if I started a new part of the story in this chapter. So I'll try to upload the real chapter 8 within a week, if I school and writer's block will allow it that is. **


	9. Chapter 9

**As promised, here's the 9th chapter! And it's like 2K long! And thank you so much for the reviews, favorites and follows!**

**Please enjoy.**

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**Kaoru's POV**

"Kao, you okay?" Hikaru asked as he pulled away looking at me with his golden eyes which resembled mine perfectly. He didn't realize what an effect that small gesture of affection had on me. We pecked each other on the lips since we were little children since it only made sense for little kids like I and Hikaru used to be.

"I'm fine, let's go," I murmured trying my hardest to suppress my growing blush on my cheeks. As I walked down the stairs with Hikaru I felt the lightness engulfing my body in sheer happiness. It was strange though wasn't I supposed to be angry and upset with my twin? I was feeling hurt that he became physically violent with me but now it seemed like everything was blown away by the wind.

Perhaps it was better this way. I don't think eating myself up in self pity would do me or my twin any good right now. Still I was still mad at Hikaru because of Haruhi. It would be definitely easier if I just forgave him and moved on but it just wasn't possible for me. I couldn't get rid of the lingering pain deep in my heart.

"Kaoru, what's wrong. You keep spacing off."

"Don't worry about me. I'm all right. I just feel a little tired," I admitted. It wasn't true though. I slept like never before the previous night. Having Hikaru protectively his arms wrapped around me and his body pressed against mine brought me the most beautiful dreams I could have wished for. The drive with the car ended a little too soon and as soon as we got out all was the same again.

"Haruhi!" Hikaru yelled excitedly, running to the brunette who had her nose dipped into a notebook. The cross-dressing host just looked up from the book and smiled kindly at me twin. I saw his eyes brighten up and he gave her a look I have never seen in his eyes before. Was this the look of love? Could this be the kind of look only those who manage to get a firm grip on Hikaru's heart get?

"Kaoru-san?"

"Ah. Yuki, it's you. I haven't seen you around lately," I said, a small smile spreading on my face as I see the familiar brunette with the shinning cerulean hues. Yuki smiled at me as well and looked into the direction my eyes were glued onto. She noticed that I was watching my brother as he teased Haruhi about her lunch or something like that.

"Well, truth to be told, I was a few days abroad to finish a thing I had going on with some company in Canada. My father insists for me to get a hold of making bonds and other stuff with companies, which are going to be important for my future or more like the future of our company."

"Sounds rough, I hope you can manage it somehow."

"Actually it's pretty fun! I get to meet to a lot of people and most of the time they're really sweet to talk to. I met Kyoya-senpai this way too! But that was a long time ago so that probably doesn't count as doing work for the company. Sorry, I think a blabber too much... You gotta tell me if I start to talk too much," Yuki said, widely grinning during the whole time she was, well, blabbering a lot of things to me.

I know I have said it a million times, but this girl makes me feel really better. She's very similar to Renge but somehow by her silliness maybe? She always manages to me laugh at her actions. No, I'm laughing at her but more like she makes me smile _with_ her.

"Come on, let's go in, it's going to be late and you don't want to get detention, right?" She joked, since we both knew that at Ouran Academy there was no way a teacher would give a student detention. I looked for Hikaru, but meanwhile he already disappeared with Haruhi inside the school building.

He... didn't even call me to come along too. I clenched my fist in anger as I bit my lip and felt my whole body tremble. It's these little things he does that really hurt me. What could, no, _should_ come for a brother as an insignificant detail, is for me one of the things that can really cause me pain. I felt angry at Hikaru but at me as well.

I was being overly emotional and that made me selfish and to be honest I felt a little stupid too for my thoughts and how I overanalyze every small thing that Hikaru does without me. I'm acting strongly possessive about him like only the thought that he would have to grow different eventually made me scared. I always wanted him to widen his world and mine too, but lately I wonder if I'm ready for such a big change in my life. I was the one who pushed him to Haruhi after all.

"Earth to Kaoru! Hello?"

I shook my head in surprise and turned my attention to the girl next to me. Yuki pointed at the door to show me that she had arrived at her class, so she probably wanted me to go to my class as well. I bid her goodbye and made my way to my first lesson as she wished. It's funny how my Hikaru depression brought me a new friend and a very precious one at that. As I stepped into the classroom I was always immediately met with my brother, who looked surprised? Shocked?

"Kaoru! Where have you been? I thought you were with me and Haruhi," He exclaimed, tapping his foot for an explanation on my side. _You left without me and now you blame me for that? _I thought but shook it off, since I was really tired of fighting with my twin. The last argument I prolonged didn't really do my mental health any good.

"Sorry, I met someone on the way, so got held up a second," I responded, which earned me a relieved sigh and a gentle pet on the shoulder. But before we could talk any more the bell already rang at our sensei entered with a pile of very frightening homework.

As our teacher started to talk about bacteria and viruses my eyes drifted off to the window to see small snowflakes falling from the cloud covered sky again. It hadn't snowed the last two days, but it's the season to, so I think it will keep snowing from now on. I saw that the wind picked up a little and my heart started to pound furiously, but I just took a few deep breaths to calm it back down. It was just a little wind. That was nothing to be afraid about!

As I looked at Haruhi next to me I saw that her body tensed a little as well. Was a thunderstorm coming? But that's ridiculous, it's not possible to have a thunderstorm at this time of the year. Maybe I was just imagining things. Yeah, that must be it...

School was over quickly, since Physics and Maths weren't on the schedule today, which made Hikaru groan every single hour in pure depression. I like literature and English as well, but Hikaru hates those things with all his heart.

"And what about including Haruhi into our act sometime?" Hikaru suggested casually as we walked alongside our brunette friend to the music room with the number three.

"I'll pass, thank you," Haruhi huffed. I couldn't help, but feel glad she rejected this silly idea right away. I shouldn't feel like this though. I should want her to spend more time with Hikaru. I should be helping Hika to persuade her to join our act some day. It's for Hikaru's happiness. Whatever makes him happy, makes me happy as well.

"Come on, Haruhi! It's not like we'll cross any boundaries, it's not like Tono would allow us to do nasty things to his 'daughter'," I said, probably with fakest smile I ever made. However, either Haruhi or Hikaru noticed though, or at least none of them commented on it any further.

"All right! Since all of us are here, let's invite our eager guests into our club!" The energetic Tamaki-senpai said as he nodded towards Kyoya-senpai to open the door. Flower petals as a part of our performance floated around, giving the room the more host like appearance.

But then suddenly the slightly opened window flung open a very unpleasant wave of the cool air flooded inside from outside. The snowflakes followed lead and my eyes wandered to the window to see a light blizzard taking place outside. Mori-senpai quickly closed the window, since Honey-senpai started to shiver and whine. I felt my body tense at the sight of the blizzard, but I just hoped it wouldn't get any heavier, since I don't know what my reaction might be.

And if the blizzard wasn't enough a loud thunder echoed through the whole room, shutting everyone up. Haruhi as always started to shake and grabbed the next close person to her, which unfortunately was Hikaru. Hikaru caught on cue and so did Tamaki-senpai.

"Shhh, Haruhi, it's going to be fine," My twin assured the brunette, stroking her back to calm her down, since she was obviously sobbing and fairly scared of the thunder outside.

"How come a thunder is at this time of the year? Aren't they more a summer thing?" One of the female guests asked, looking worriedly at Haruhi, since she was one of her regulars if I was guessing correctly.

"In certain situations a thunderstorm can occur during the winter time, though under very rare circumstances," Kyoya-senpai replied as he scribbled something down his notebook.

"Yeah, Kyoya-senpai is correct. It's sometimes even called a thundersnow, but if you ask me the name is totally ridiculous," An all too familiar voice said next to me. I turned around and met cerulean eyes piercing through me.

"You did your homework, Yuki. You better keep it up," The shadow king said, smiling? Wow. Kyoya-senpai rarely smiled, but I guess Yuki just gives away the vibe that everyone has to cheer up eventually when spending time around her.

But my thoughts were interrupted by the wind outside picking up on speed. The clashes were clearly heard on the vast windows of the music room. I clenched my fists and cursed under my breath. This was definitely not good. I had to get away from there, from all the eyes present in the room. I slowly breathed in and out, slowly making my way to the door.

"Kaoru, where are you going?" Both, Yuki and Hikaru, said in unison, seeing me sneaking out of the room. I immediately froze and turned my head around to face them. I saw my eyes getting a tiny little wet, but I could hold it in a bit longer. At least as long as it would take me to find a hiding spot.

"I just need to use the restroom, I'll be right back, no worries," And with that I dashed of as soon as I could, slamming the door shut before neither of them could question me. I need to make room for Hikaru to take care of Haruhi. If I would break down in front of him, he would worry too much about me.

And I couldn't let that happen. I'm done with being a selfish and moody idiot. I'm clever, our mom always said that, so I know what is right and what is wrong. I'm able to distinguish right from wrong and I know that Hikaru being with Haruhi is just right. I'm not someone who has the right to interfere.

Soon I found an abandoned classroom and hid under the sensei's desk curled up in a small ball. It will be over soon, I knew it would be. But despite my effort I could still hear the wind from outside. The frightening sounds I haven't heard since I was only 6 years old. I wished so much I could run to Hikaru with my tears and fall into his tight embrace to find comfort. How much I wanted to have him rub small circles on my back and whisper with his soft and gentle voice that everything would be fine.

But that's not possible. I can't let this get in the way of his happiness. I felt the big salty tears roll down my cheeks as I desperately gasped, my body shaking uncontrollably in pure fear and panic.

_Save me, Hikaru!_

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**REVIEW**

**A/N I know, it's a bit cliché, but I guess, it can't be helped. I will proof read it later, so if you find anything, don't hesitate to point it out to me.**


	10. Chapter 10

**And I'm back with a new chapter for you guys! Thanks for the reviews, it's really highly appreaciated!**

**Please enjoy.**

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**Kaoru's POV**

_11 years ago…_

_"__No, Mama! I don't want to be separated from Hikaru!" I whined, tears streaming down my cheeks as I clung to my twin with all my might. Hikaru cried as well and we just all in all made a pretty big fuss in the Hitachiin residence. Our mother just sighed and looked over at our dad with a somehow desperate look. _

_You want to know, what's wrong?_

_I'll tell you, what was wrong. Our parents wanted to part us for winter vacation. I didn't know when they came up with such a silly idea, but they still insisted. We refused with every cell of our body, of course, but it still seemed like we were fighting a losing argument there. _

_"__Come on, Kaoru. Your dad wants to go to Greece and you hate it there, right?" Our mom said, since she knew I hated it there, but Hikaru loved it on the other hand. _

_"__So I'll go whenever, you want to go with Kaoru!" Hikaru butted in, since he didn't really care if he got to go to Greece or not. He was there once, so he wouldn't mind not going there this vacation. We were still small, but we knew why they insisted to separate us so badly. _

_Our parents thought that we perhaps spent too much time with each other. They realized that their constant absence made us heavily dependent on each other and that we barely do anything alone as an individual. What did they expect? We're identical twins and there's not one person in the world who could distinguish us, so logically we would close ourselves in our little isolated world. _

_"__Listen, I can only take one person to France to the fashion show with me. And you wanted always to see one badly, right? And Hikaru doesn't really like this kind of things, right?"_

_She keeps asking question we all already knew. We were six years old, true, but we weren't that stupid, mom. I felt Hikaru squeeze my hand and look at me with those big golden eyes. He and I knew how badly I always wanted to go t France with mom, but like this we were in a really sticky situation. _

_"__Okay, I'll go with Papa to Greece," Hikaru suddenly agreed, closing his eyes in defeat. No! I started to cry more and hug me twin like my life depended on it. How could Hikaru say that! How could he give up so easily? We always got what we wanted. We were rich and spoiled children after all. We weren't used to things being against our wishes. _

_After one more hour of whining, we returned to our room, me still weeping my eyes out. Hikaru was still hugging me tightly and crying a little as well. I felt my body tremble. It was something I had never experienced before. I even started to sulk heavily, something I have never done in my life before. It was kinda gross if I'm honest. _

_"__Come on, Kao. It's only two weeks. We can do it and then when we're home again, I'll bring along that good candy we bought there last time," Hikaru said, trying to cheer me up with a little crocked smile, since he had problems to be positive as well. I cuddled to him and buried my face into his chest as we both lied down and he covered our little bodies with the blanket which was neatly folded at the end of the bed. _

_"__Everything will be fine, Kaoru," He said, stroking my hair with his tiny hand. Hikaru was an amazing older brother. I don't think I would have managed to be the older one. He always knows how to console me and make me smile. He knows what to do to make me calm down, to make me feel safe. _

"Kaoru! Kaoru!" I heard a desperate voice call for me. Something kept shaking me, something kept calling for me. I would feel bad if I didn't respond. That was common courtesy, I knew that. I managed to open my eyes slightly to see an almost teary Yuki in front of me, still shaking me uncontrollably.

"Y-Yu-ki," I breathed out, feeling my head spin and my body feel limb. What was this feeling? Did I pass out in here? How late was it? Are the thunderstorm and the blizzard finally over? However, my senses registered another clashing sound and a loud thunder outside what followed by what seemed like lighting. What the hell was up with this messed up weather?

"I'll go and call Hikaru, okay?"

"No!" I cried out in weak voice. She blinked a few times in surprise. She was ready to leave, but my desperate voice kept her here. She couldn't go for Hikaru. I wouldn't allow it, no matter what. Hikaru was doing a very important thing. This could actually seal the deal that everything between the two of them will work out.

"Well, at least I'll get Kyoya-senpai, all right? Just wait here, I'll go for Kyoya-senpai," She said, repeating Kyoya's name to an almost annoying level. Yuki was assuring me that she would call Kyoya-senpai, only Kyoya-senpai. I nodded lightly and as she left my eyes closed again and I was enveloped by pure darkness.

_"__So how do you like it here so far, Kaoru?" Our mom asked, as she probably managed to see my grumpy expression. I was amazed by France. It was totally different from Tokyo. The day we arrived our mother took me straight to the Eiffel tower to admire the surroundings. I was speechless to say the least and even forgot my 'grief' for a moment, but the picture of Hikaru always popped into my head when I walked pass a store or anything which resembled glass, since when I saw my reflection, I thought of my twin as well. _

_"__It's not bad…"_

_"__Tomorrow's fashion show, so you better prepare yourself. It's nothing you have seen before. It's totally different from when you see it on TV, Kaoru," Our mom said, smiling at me widely. I smiled back, since I didn't want to make our mommy unhappy. Then I felt the wind pick up and shivered slightly at the sudden coldness. I looked up the sky and saw small snowflakes fall down. They were so white and so pure I felt my big golden orbs stare blankly at them in pure awe. _

_Then out mother's cell phone rang and she ran around the corner to pick it up. I now stood there alone and the child I was, the first thing I saw caught my attention. Of course, being the little kid I was, I immediately ran around exploring everything which came in my sight. It sucked being without my other half, but saying I wasn't astonished by the beauty of Paris would be a lie. _

_After awhile I got bored of all the things and turned around to tell me mom I wanted to go home, since it was getting colder and darker as well. However, as I turned, my mother was nowhere to be seen. I started to hyperventilate and my body started to heat up from the fear colliding in my veins. _

_"__Mama?" _

_But no response came. I started to run around, desperate to find my mom, but I just couldn't seem to find her. All the European faces blended together and after short minutes all the faces looked exactly the same. The smooth skin and the high noses weren't really something I was used to back in Japan. I continued my search only to sigh in defeat approximately an hour after. Now I was sulking like a baby around a corner, still looking around for my mother. _

_And then it hit me. I should walk into a higher place to look for her! That was it. I couldn't believe I haven't had thought of that sooner. I looked around for a tower or anything and my sight caught a high building at the edge of the town. If I would climb just a little bit, I should see the town easier. I sprinted towards the building and suddenly realized I was running out of the city. Would it be safe to walk into a forest? No, I needed to find mom, so it didn't matter at this point. _

_After like 10 minutes of running I finally reached the building. I had to run up the hill where it was located a bit, but it would all be fine after I would find our mother. I climbed up, careful not to slip, since it was actually quite wet around it, since the snow melted and probably froze again. I was almost at the top, but then a chill blew at my face and my hand released the edge I was holding onto and…_

_I fell. _

_I felt my back hit on the hard ground, though the snow did soften my landing. My breathed was literally taken away as I gasped, since the impact pushed the air out of my lungs. Tears started to form in my eyes as I felt the pain going through my little fragile body. It was so painful, I could barely stand it. I don't know how long I have been lying there but sure enough it was pure torture. The ice cold snow penetrated my clothes and the wind blew heavily in my face and through my body. This wasn't a regular snowstorm anymore._

_This was a blizzard. _

_"__Kaoru!" I heard a distant yet familiar voice call for me. Again and again the worried almost panicked voice called, shaking my mind and body violently. What a relief. _

_I was finally found._

"Kaoru!"

My eyes flung open as I looked around in shock. Everything was white and for a second I actually thought I died. But of course I was only in the nurse office at our school. We had top doctors here from the Ootori branch, so bringing me to a hospital would be just a waste of time and money. I glanced at my side to see the whole Host Club gathered around my bed. I guess, the thundersnow, how Yuki called it, probably stopped.

"You're finally awake, my son!" Tono cried out, bringing me in for a bone crushing hug. I smiled at him, his silliness always brought a wide grin on my face. But Tamaki-senpai was soon ripped off of me by my twin.

"Kaoru!" He said, sobbing? He embraced me in his strong arms, enveloping me in a warm hug. Hikaru was here, my brother was really here with me. Tears made their way back up to my eyes, but this time it wasn't from the fear or pain.

It was from happiness.

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**REVIEW**

**A/N I'm like seriously dead, so I won't check the grammar and go to bed. And I hope it gave you a reasonable explanation from where Kaoru's fear from blizzards and snowstorms comes from and also why Hikaru doesn't know about it.**


	11. Chapter 11

**And I came from the dead! No, really, I'm so sorry for not updating for such a long time!**

**Please enjoy.**

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**Kaoru's POV**

The snowstorm had finally ended. I glanced at my phone to see that it was already very late. Hikaru and I better get back home soon, or the staff will alert the FBI to search for us. Yeah, if something were to happen to their precious masters, they wouldn't just get fired, but get a proper punishment as well. Honestly, I really couldn't possibly imagine how stressful that could possibly be.

"Kaoru..."

"Mhm?" I looked up at my twin, to feel his hand intertwine with mine in a tight hold. He looked sad, and squeezed my hand strongly in his. I blinked at him a few times to see him hide his eyes from me with his bangs, blocking me to see any of his emotions. But by the frown on his face, I could clearly see that he felt hurt? Betrayed even?

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered almost soundlessly as we got into our black car and closed the door. I gasped a little at the question, but deep down I knew, that he would ask that sooner or later.

"It wasn't anything important, Hikaru. Heck, even I didn't remember it until the thundersnow came in," I replied, his golden eyes piercing through me. He was close to me. He held my hand. He was worried, he thought about me. Why don't I feel satisfied with this? I wanted him to be with me, I wanted him to notice me, but still, this isn't what my heart desired all this time.

I guess I really love him this much...

"Young masters, we have arrived," The driver suddenly said, interrupting whatever question my twin had for my lame excuse, though it wasn't really an excuse. I did forget it for a short period of time. We got out and were immediately led to the dining room, where our dinner was already being served, hot and very delicious looking.

The supper went by silently, since Hikaru probably didn't want to discuss this matter in front of our staff. That was of course understandable, but that also why I wanted that dinner to last as long as possible. As we returned together to our room, Hikaru slammed the door shut and started to glare at me angrily.

"Tell me. Or am I not good enough to know? Why are closing yourself to me? Your own twin? We were close but as of late you have been entirely blocking me out!"

He continued to rampage all kinds of things and just what typically Hikaru would do, but... Why did I feel so shocked hearing all this from him. All the words kept echoing in my head and wouldn't just get out. He noticed my distress these past weeks? He knew about it?

"It's not like that Hika..."

I wanted to tell him everything, but I knew I shouldn't and perhaps even couldn't. I wasn't a child anymore. I would soon turn 17, which means I will be an adult soon enough and I have to learn to act like one. This isn't a movie, where my reckless love confession can solve everything. But one way or another I will hurt Hikaru. If I keep quiet he will suffer like he does now, which I had no idea of or I'll tell him and he will suffer from having to reject my love.

I hate being driven into a corner.

"So what is it like, Kaoru?"

Why does he keep asking me? He's never this clingy the last time I remembered was when we were still tiny little brats. I kept averting my eyes from his, but his eyes were so enchanting I couldn't possibly look away.

"Let's go to bed. I'm really tired after today and speak of today, how did it went with Haruhi?" I said almost teasingly throwing my brother one of my best devilish smirks. That's right. If I keep up with this act and keep changing the subject, he'll eventually believe that I'm just fine. Or at least I hope so.

"I have no idea what you mean," He replied with a smirk on his face as well. Good. We continued to tease each other with comments about school, friends and all kind of things, until we got to bed. Hikaru snuggled to me and breathed in the scent of my hair. Seriously, doesn't he ever get tired of the smell of apples? Well, fruits in general I suppose, since I like to switch scents from time to time.

"Goodnight, Kao," He murmured as his breathing slowed down and his body fell into deep slumber. However, for whatever reason I could not find any sleep in the sheets of my bed. The events of that day still swirled in my head like a furious typhoon, not letting me rest. I suppose, I should do something. I wasn't stupid, what could I possibly do? I couldn't just walk up to Haruhi and tell her to love my brother. Heh, if it was easy as that I wouldn't be this miserably right now, or would I? No clue, but I'm sure that now would be pretty different if that were the case. Well, helping them out couldn't be that difficult though. Tomorrow I will come up with something, since winter break is approaching.

"Goodnight, Hikaru."

...

"Man, I can't believe this," I said almost angrily as I strolled in the corridors of our residence a cup of warm milk in my right hand. I laid there for almost two hours and still I wasn't able to fall asleep. Because of that I decided to do something, since I don't want to look like a zombie for school tomorrow. Though, it's Friday and I think Kyoya-senpai said, I didn't need to come to the Host Club after school, that he had me covered. Poor Hikaru, I didn't even want to think what our Shadow King had prepared for him to entertain our clients. Perhaps, I could join him and spare him the misery.

I opened the door and slipped in, careful not to wake Hikaru. He looks so handsome asleep and with the rays of moonlight shinning on his creamy skin. I shook my head. No, I couldn't have thoughts like this anymore. It's indecent in so many ways, not to mention sick, since he's my own twin. I dumped the milk in me and again covered myself with the blanket, Hikaru had probably threw to the ground when I was gone.

"Haruhi..."

Oh, now he was talking in his sleep as well. I sighed. True, I keep saying I'm fine and okay with my brother being in love with Haruhi and all, but the lingering feelings in my chest just won't go away, no matter how many times I tell myself the my feelings are unable to reach Hikaru. How much pain do I need to take to finally get over this ridiculous crush on my brother?

Well...

Probably a lot, since this isn't an innocent crush anymore. In the time of a year this crush bloomed into love, romantic love. Damn, why was this happening to me of all people? What did I ever do to deserve this kind of life? It's so annoying I can barely handle it as Kyoya-senpai or Yuki can obviously see.

It was no use. I really won't get any sleep tonight. I sighed stood up and walked yet again that night into the kitchen to make myself a coffee. I would need at least a dozen if I didn't want to fall asleep in school tomorrow, or more precisely today, since it was already 4 AM. Though, I must say that I see no staff around here. Shouldn't they slowly arrive and start doing... eh, whatever it is that they do, wash our laundry and stuff like that, I guess.

I decided that a visit in the library wouldn't really hurt, right?

"Operation 'bring Haruhi and Hika together'!" I said as I finished my second cup of coffee that morning. I admit, I was a little hyper at that moment, but oh well, it couldn't really be helped now could it? Actually I came up with a few pretty decent ideas. I guess, being filled with caffeine isn't that bad after all.

And truth to be told, I only came up with one single idea. We were planning with Hikaru to go skiing after winter break would begin, so we could just drag Haruhi with us. Our parents of course had not time, since their work was overwhelming them, as always. I mean, the snow and all the comfortable atmosphere has to create some romantic feelings, right? Hehe, I'm such a brilliant mind!

Then I saw water dripping on the wooden table I was sitting at. Huh?

Oh... I see now. I closed my eyes and brought a hand to my eyes. The water was coming from my eyes. I had to laugh at myself, what was I? A five-year-old? Why on Earth was I weeping like this?

I guess, it isn't as easy as I thought letting go would be. Why does realization hit me always at the most unpleasant times? Why did my heart had to hurt, when my mind knew what was the right thing to do? I dug my hands deep into my hair almost like wanting to rip them off and tried to suppress all the feelings overflowing me. I heard silent sobbing coming out of my mouth and cursed myself even more after that. Tears wouldn't stop to stream from my eyes either.

I'm so pathetic.

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

And even knowing that I can't stop loving him...

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**REVIEW (They are always highly appreciated.) **

**A/N I will definitely do a spell check tomorrow morning. And do not fear the plot will progress next chapter. I guess, I'm really stuck with realism, since I keep writing about Kaoru's feelings and his psychology. **


	12. Chapter 12

**And here I'm with another update! I recently got into Gravitation, so I don't know if I will be updating as often. **

**Please enjoy.**

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**Kaoru's POV**

"Hah! Finally winter break and I thought school would never end!" Hikaru yelled enthusiastically, rambling on and on about our planned winter vacation in the mountains to let some stress from school steam out of our heads. He seemed really happy and really excited for the trip, but I bet he'll be even happier after we persuade Haruhi to tag along.

"Pssst, Hika!"

"What is it, Kaoru?" He asked, probably taken aback as why I was being all mysterious now. He had his eyebrow raised a little, which made him actually look really cute. I loved when he did that face, it just always makes me smile.

"How about we take Haruhi with us to the resort?"

"W-What?! Why would we do that?" He asked a heavy blush settling on his cheeks as his eyes averted from mine and looked at all the things around us. I had to mentally laugh and clench my fists, since I really couldn't tell if it was making me angry or if it was amusing me. He's so in denial and I still can't really make him to say it out loud. I think he knew that I knew about his feelings to Haruhi, though he still suppresses them a lot. Man, you should really man up a bit, brother.

"Well, I just thought we would be bored without or little toy through the two weeks," I meekly replied. Either me or Hikaru looked at Haruhi as a toy anymore, but this past habit of ours calling her our play thing came now really in handy, didn't it? Hikaru just kept blushing and I kept asking myself why he couldn't blush like this when we did one of our acts, were my feelings really hopeless from the very beginning?

Of course, they were. That I doubted something as logical as this is really beyond me. My love really did cover my mind in clouds blocking out all the healthy human sense in me. True, the last time he flushed like this was when... well, it had something to do with Haruhi, but it was really at least a few months back. I just thought he could control his feelings better, but now I saw that it was all but a coincidence that he didn't blush lately.

"Ugh, well, we could. I heard Haruhi mention that she wasn't going anywhere with her Dad. And we would come back before Christmas, right?"

"Yep. Sounds about right. Come on, let's ask her before Tono finds out and will want to come too," I said, earning myself a horrified look from my brother. He knew that his chances would be blown away by the wind, if our childish leader would come along our little skiing vacation. I saw him striding towards the brunette and with his hand behind his head he asked her nervously. From the distance I could exactly see that he was really stressed out and afraid that she would just bluntly reject him and say that she had a lot of studying to do.

"Kaoru-kun, happy that we have free now?" A way too familiar voice chirped behind me. A smile bloomed on my lips as I turned around and greeted the small Yuki who had a big smile plastered on her face as well. She's just really such a wonderful sunshine. I bet she could even make the ice and snow outside melt, which is ironic since her name actually means snow.

"Sure, I mean, who wouldn't be?"

"Well, I'm kinda looking but at the same time not looking forward to it. My father just drowned me in appointments until Christmas Eve. That's so unfair."

"Sounds rough. You should really have a talk with your father and if you get into a fight you can call me anytime," I said, ruffling through her brunette locks. She was as old as me and Hika, still she looked like a little helpless girl to me and of course my protective instincts kicked in. Which actually reminded me that I haven't thanked her yet for the other day when she called Kyoya-senpai for help.

"Nee, thanks for the other day, Yuki. I'm really grateful that you acted so quickly and called help."

"No problem! That is what friends are for, right? Don't sweat it! Everyone would do the same being in my position!" She replied happily waving her arms energetically around. I chuckled at the funny poses she did. She was really a delightful character.

"But Kaoru-kun... Why didn't you want me to call Hikaru-kun? He was actually a little pissed that I went to Kyoya-senpai instead of him," She said thoughtfully. I froze in my tracks. Damn it! What am I supposed to tell her now?!

"Ugh... Errm... I mean, I knew Hikaru was doing something important for the club so I didn't want to call him!" I came with the lamest excuse possible, but it looked like Yuki would just buy it. She eyed me almost suspiciously before nodding and sighing? Why?

"Whatever you say, Kaoru-kun, but don't forget. Nothing is impossible in this world," She said, before strolling to Kyoya-senpai to say hello. Meanwhile I saw my brother return to my side with a hung head. Man, he was really the worst. Was persuading a girl to join us on a trip really that difficult? Though I guess I must admit that Haruhi's definitely not a regular girl.

"Just let me handle it, Hikaru. Yo Haruhi I need to talk to you!" I shouted and ran over to the girl, who was just dismissed by her clients. She looked at me almost annoyed, but turned to face me anyways.

"What do I hear that you're not going with us on winter vacation? What gives? You don't like snow or something?" I asked, perhaps a bit bluntly and maybe a bit rude as well. But I wanted for everyone to believe that Kaoru Hitachiin hasn't changed at all that my good and bad personality treats are still the same, that there's nothing eating me up inside.

"It's not like I don't like the snow. I just have to study, Kaoru. I already told Hikaru that."

"Come on, Haruhi. It's just for two weeks, heck you could even be there only for one if you want. You should rest on holidays and breaks and not diving into a pile of junk, which you will probably only use 30% of anyway," I said, getting a bit desperate to convince her? I really am an enormous idiot. Haruhi still didn't look convinced.

"Kaoru, I really can't-"

"Please, Haruhi. I'm begging you. Just for one week. Please do me this favour, I really want you to be there," I said, my voice turning serious without me noticing and my eyes probably gained a really heavy pleading glint, since Haruhi was obviously taken aback by the sudden change in attitude.

"Kaoru, are you okay? You don't seem too good," She said, looking at me with those big round eyes of hers again. She really was acting all mature and stuff, since she had to grow up quickly because of the death of her mother.

"I'm. But Haruhi would you please reconsider? One week, I'm not asking for more. And did I mention that there will be a lot of fancy tuna?"

"All right! Not a week, only five days, and now stop pestering me about it already!" She said, catching up on the fancy tuna part. God, I'm just so brilliant. I bet this idea didn't even cross Hikaru's mind. What a moron. He loves her and still has no clue how to persuade her to do something. He got really too comfortable in our little isolated bubble and it must be like a labyrinth for him. These unknown feelings of love probably make his life miserably right now.

I returned to the dump of misery in the corner of the room. Why did he have to pick up this annoying habit of Tono? I kneeled down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder draw his attention to me. He looked up with those big golden orbs and all my thoughts were swept away. Damn, I hate it when this happens.

"Cheer up now, will you? She said she would go for five days, so stop mobbing around," I said, maybe even a bit harshly, even though I did not intend that. He blinked a few times in surprise and hugged me tightly to his chest.

"You know, you're the best brother in the world," He said, a bit overdramatically for my taste, but oh well. He trapped me in a crushing bear hug, even lifting me up from the ground a little. I couldn't help but flush a little as I felt my heart race like crazy. But soon the warm feeling was replaced with a way to familiar feeling of pain in my chest. He was this happy, because of _her_. He was this happy, because I convinced her to come with us.

Stop it, Kaoru, damn it!

As he released me from his tight grip I felt like shattering into pieces. It hurt, though I realize it's dumb and I shouldn't feel this way anymore, it still hurts and I can't help it.

Hopefully, it will go differently when we're in the mountains...

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**REVIEW**

**A/N Well, 1,5K words about nothing again. I really don't know how I do it. Well, let's hope next chapter will have some HikaxHaru action. My poor Kaoru... I'm so mean to my little Kao-chan, but the angst will remain for awhile longer. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Wow, it has been awhile hasn't it? I'm really super sorry that I took so long! But well, school has been really busy for me. :P Hopefully now that summer vacation is right behind the corner, I will have more time to write.**

**Please enjoy. **

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**Kaoru's POV**

"I can't wait, it's so exciting. It has been like forever since we were at the mountains the last time," Hikaru exclaimed as he flopped down on our bed after our return from school. Our staff was so kind to pack our things, during our time at school so all was set up for an unforgettable vacation.

"Do you think, Haruhi even knows how to ski?" I asked as I nibbled on a pocky. If you are surrounded by pure silence with the occasional chuckle from your brother, you come up with a lot of interesting questions. I saw Hikaru sit up and actually sit there for a second probably thinking if Haruhi ever mentioned anything about the ability to ski.

"Umm... I don't know. Though she wouldn't have agreed in the first place, if she didn't, right?"

"Ugh... well, I might have told her that there will be a lot of fancy tuna, so... She probably wouldn't have declined either way, so, I don't really know, Hika," I said, a nervous cough escaping my lips. I think that would quite the problem, since I and Hikaru normally spend all day skiing. We rarely go back, most of the time only for food, but that's about it.

"No problem! If she doesn't know, I'll just teach her!" Hikaru said enthusiastically. Yeah, sure, as if you would be able to. It's not like I doubted Hikaru's skiing skills, just I don't think he would be composed enough to actually calmly explain to her what she has to do and what she mustn't do. Aw, fuck it, we'll worry about that tomorrow after we ask her about it. Why concerning ourselves with a problem, which hasn't even occurred yet?

"Let's just drop it, it was a stupid question anyways," I dismissed the manner and took off to the bathroom for a shower. I don't know, but talking with Hikaru about Haruhi always exhaust me to an extent, it's hard to actually not to break into a raging fit or tears, depends on the situation. But the funny thing is that it's always me who starts the conversation, which involves our brunette friend.

I turned the shower on and just let the water cover my body in warmth. It relaxed my muscles and my senses were nicely stimulated as I felt the hot steam fill the room. A warm and really long shower always kind of washes all the worries for a moment away. Though... I'm well aware why I keep initiating these painful conversations. I want to know how much developed his feelings are.

_I want to know to what an extent I have already lost my brother. _

"You know that lately you take incredibly long to shower?" I suddenly heard a familiar voice as the glass door to the shower swung open and my brother revealed himself. Completely naked. I gasped in shocked and almost stumbled backwards. He just grinned widely at me and closed the door behind himself.

"H-Hikaru! What the hell? Get out, I want to wash myself in peace!" I yelled at him, looking anywhere but at him. If I were to get excited right now, it would bring up a lot of questions. Questions I'm definitely not ready to answer to him.

"Come on, don't be such a drama queen. We always used to take showers together," Hikaru said, pocking me with his elbow. I jumped in surprise at the sudden contact and immediately jumped a few inches from my twin. What in the actual hell? Why did he now decided to tag into the shower with me, when I wanted some alone time to think properly.

I don't know why, but I always told myself that I would just sit down, take my time and just go through my thoughts. And surprisingly I never get so far. I'm always so busy and then I realize it a few weeks later that I haven't really sorted anything out, at all! Really, what a pain in the neck.

"Man today of all days you decide to take a shower with me?"

"Well, you did take long and I want to go to sleep, so why not shower together? We're brothers and it's not like we have anything the other doesn't," He replied as he grabbed the bottle of soap and poured some on his hand to start washing himself up. I rolled my eyes and well, I didn't really think I would be able to actually shower properly like this.

"Hurry up, Kaoru. Don't stand there like a tree! Or should I wash you myself?" He teased throwing the soap bottle at me. I chuckled a little and then actually started to wash myself as well. I just avoided looking at Hikaru as much as I could and then my private parts wouldn't get excited. It seemed like it worked just fine, so perhaps this wasn't so bad after all. I mean, yeah, I felt more or less pretty uncomfortable, but I must admit it was kind of nice to be so close to my brother again after so long.

"So I hope you're excited, since we'll have a ton of fun in the mountains!" Hikaru said as he snuggled to my freshly smelling body. I yelped out in surprise but confirmed that I was excited too. After that I felt my brother's breathing slow down and soon I could hear his light snoring. I sighed and freed myself from his grip. I looked at this peaceful facial expression and cursed myself yet again for my affectionate feelings towards my brother.

I didn't know what to do anymore. This was seriously no way to continue my relationship with my twin and life. Should I tell him? Should I risk making him hating me? Starting to avoiding me? I was confused, it gave me a heavy headache. Maybe some sleeping pills would make my dreams a little calmer.

I carefully opened the wooden door and strode down the hall into our nursing room. Yep, we actually had a room reserved for doctors and meds in our house. Luckily the doctor and nurse went home for the day, since they had an anniversary or something. Normally, they would have to be here all night in case something would bother us like that headache of mine right now. I opened the big cupboard and started to go through the shelves in hopes to find something with instructions on it, since these Latin names don't really tell me much.

Finally I found what I was desperately looking for. It had an odd name printed on it, but under it, it was written that these were indeed sleeping pills my body so desperately needed. I opened the little plastic bottle and popped two of them in my mouth and drank them down with water. I sighed once again and muttered how it had come so far that I needed medicaments to help me sleep.

I strolled back into my and Hika's room and lay down, waiting patiently for the pills to kick in. After a while I felt my body relax and my eyelids getting heavier. All right, let's get some sleep done!

…

"Kaoru! Damn it, wake up! How long do you intend to sleep?" I heard a rampaging voice in the distance. Sounds like Hikaru. I cringed a little and forcefully opened my eyes to see that the sun rays already entered our windows. So, I guess, it's morning then.

"Kaoru! I'm serious. Get your lazy ass out of bed, the car already waits outside and so does Haruhi at her place. I promised we would be there in ten," Hikaru yelled again, ripping the blanket from my body, making me shiver at the sudden loss of warmth my blanket provided.

"Sorry, I couldn't really sleep yesterday, so I doze off pretty late," I said, leaving out the pill part on purpose. I rubbed my eyes to clear my view and sat up, yawning. Wow, these sleeping pills really do make a difference. Maybe I should take them to the ski trip too. I saw Hikaru already dressed, so I went through my closet and searched for my prepared clothes as well. Our staff was so kind and prepared our things probably at the break of dawn and I saw through the window that they already put them into the car along with our skies.

"Now let's go skiing!"

I smiled at my brother's happiness. I hope, after our trip he will stay permanently happy. I had five days. Five days to make Haruhi fall for my brother. I could do it, I was convinced that I could. With the right motivation I was sure it would work out. Though, I can't deny that perhaps this isn't Hika's love story after all. Haruhi and Tono seem to a quite special bond there, but as long as Tono stays dense, I can make this work out. Well, I guess, the true reason for concern is Kyoya-senpai. I never worried about it before, but I guess Kyoya-senpai could actually come in my way. Whenever for Tono's sake or himself, he will probably interfere somehow.

Man, I'm getting way too paranoid. What am I? It's fine, everything will be as it should be. This was the only reality I was willing to accept.

"Haruhi, come on! We won't wait forever!" Hikaru yelled as he waved from the car window to our friend. Was I seriously so long it thought?

"Hey, you said you would be here in ten, I waited 20 minutes, Hikaru."

"Heh, sorry about that, honestly. Just get in so we can all relax and enjoy our winter break," He said, opening the door to let her in. She hoped in and now we would have to drive four whole hours before getting to our ski resort. I plugged my headphones in and decided that a nap was exactly what I needed, not to mention the fact that I didn't want to hear nor see the interaction between my twin and Haruhi.

_Sleep, Kaoru, and forget everything. At least for now._

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**REVIEW**

**A/NWell, believe it or not, this was 1,5K words. I don't know how, but somehow I always manage to prolong the plot without intending to. I apologize if it's getting boring, but any quicker, I would feel that the story is being rushed. See ya next time! **


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